The Drinking Game
by Fun-Sized Kirk
Summary: What happens when, on a boring Friday at work, a certain Jean Havoc decides to come up with a few ideas to keep him entertained once he finally reaches his much wanted destination of the local bars? Kind of a crack fic. Read and Review!


**Okay so this is a little kinda crack fic that I decided to write. I had lots of fun writing it and I hope everyone who reads it loves it too. I had this idea stuck in my head for some time now. I had been trying to finish it for the past week or two whenever I was board but I finally got it done.**

**Enjoy! :D**

**(I don't own FMA)**

* * *

Jean Havoc stretched his long arms up into the air as he let out a loud, long yawn.

"Geez, when can we leave?" Havoc moaned as he stared gloomily at the clock on the opposite wall.

It was a Friday in Central this evening, which meant that only in an hour or two, hundreds of military and civilian employees would be fleeing to their local bar of choice to relieve themselves of their work-induced stress; Havoc, of course, being one of them.

"You still have a good hour Lieutenant." Riza said, causing Havoc to expel a loud groan, as she appeared from inside of Roy's personal office. "Sorry Havoc but the bars will have to wait until you're done with that paperwork I sent you."

Havoc waited until Riza had left the room before he spoke again.

"Ugh! Why can't she just let it go for _once_ and let us get out early? It wouldn't be that hard. Just say 'you've done a good weeks work, go home'."

"Maybe she would let us go home if we finished all of our work on time." Furey said before looking up from his own towering stack of paper work that still needed to be completed.

"But I actually almost finished all of my work! Why can't I just go?" Havoc whined, sounding very much like a child forced to stay inside until he finished his homework.

"I think the key word in that sentence is 'almost'." Breda said while leaning back in his own chair.

"You know Havoc, if you stopped all of your constant whining, then you'd probably be able to leave here earlier." said Falman.

"I doubt it." Havoc said with a small sigh before he looked back down at his work.

They group continued in silence for a few minutes more, until Havoc began to day dream and odd ideas that would only occur in Havoc's mind began to pop up.

_I could go out the window and jump onto the hedges and then make a break for it…no. She'd probably shoot me before I even got out the window. Or I could take the work that's finished downstairs and then leave…but Riza'd probably see through it and warn security to watch me. Oh well._

_I hope Roy doesn't go to the same bar after work because if he does, I'll never score. What the Hell do women see in him? I mean he's a high ranking officer, which means that they'd only be gold diggers and I don't want that type of girl. But what else does he have? Yeah…I guess Roy's hot but-no. Never think that again! Roy is an arrogant ass who steals all of the good women away! _

_Hmm…what should I do when I get there? Pool or darts? Man I haven't had a great game of pool in ages. Last time I had a great game was…I don't really remember. I played in that pool tournament but that was all the way back in the academy. Oh man…I remember those days. Late night partying, cram sessions, crazy bar games…Drinking games. Man, I haven't had a good drinking game in some time now. Maybe I can get Breda or someone to compete in it with me._

Havoc's eyes traveled to one of the scrap pieces of paper that was lying on his desk just as a wide smirk spread across his face.

"Havoc, why are you making that face?" Breda asked.

"Yeah, it's kinda creeping me out." Furey said as he leaned slightly away from Havoc as if he was carrying something contagious.

"I just thought of a great idea!" he exclaimed as he grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen and began to write.

"What's your idea?"

"Drinking Games."

"Uhh…"

"What?"

"I'm making up rules for my drinking game. Who wants to help?"

"Why are you making up rules for a drinking game?" Furey asked as he stared at the piece of paper.

"Because I want to waste paper." Havoc said, turning to Furey. "I want to play a drinking game when I get to the bar tonight."

"Oh."

"Yeah, so anyone want to play when we get there?" Havoc asked with a mischievous grin on his face.

"Who the Hell is this 'we'?" Breda asked.

"Aww come on! We always go out drinking on Friday's after work."

"Well that sure as Hell doesn't mean that I'm going to play along with your game."

"Fine." Havoc pouted. "At the very least you could give me some ideas for the drinking game rules."

Breda and Falman exchanged tired and annoyed glances before Breda heaved a large sigh and ripped the piece of paper out of Havoc's hands.

"So got any ideas yet?" Breda asked while he searched for a pen.

* * *

After another fifty or so minutes working, where thirty minutes of those fifty were spent trying to come up with ideas for the game, they were allowed to leave. The three tired men, along with one extremely excited man, traveled slowly down the main street until they finally reached their favorite bar.

The popular bar was already filled with fellow workers who had just gotten off of work and already spent much of their newest pay check. Many of the occupants called out to the men in greetings, including the pretty bar maid who Havoc had tried and failed many times to get her number.

"What will you nice men be having tonight?" Celia asked with a smile, her big blue eyes twinkling slightly under the neon bar signs.

"Just a beer for right now." Falman answered.

"Me too." Furey answered.

"Me as well." Breda said.

"Make it four Celia."

"Alrighty. Four beers for our _hard working_ military men." Celia said with another smile before she went to get them their drinks.

"So who's going to man up and join me?" Havoc asked as he gave his bar stool a little spin.

"I already said three times I wasn't going to do it Havoc." Falman said.

"And just about anyone in the military could rink me under the table." Furey said with a small sigh.

"Breda?" Havoc asked hopefully.

"Fine." He answered, almost reluctantly after a moment. "I'll join in your stupid game."

"Yes!"

"Just remember who beat you last time we played this game."

"Yeah, Mustang did."

"Well I at least beat you!"

"Here are you drinks gentlemen!" Celia called as she set down four large and foaming mugs of beer.

"Thanks!"

"Just call me if you need anything else."

"So Breda."

"So Havoc."

"You ready to play?"

"I was_ born_ ready. The more important question is what do I get if I win?"

"Same prize as usual Breda." Havoc said with a broad grin forming on his face.

"Perfect."

Havoc took a sip from his beer and looked around the bar. Nobody from work, apart from themselves, had arrived yet but it would only be a matter of time. This bar was always crawling with military personnel by closing time. In fact, after just a few minutes of sitting there on his bar stool, several people, who were important to tonight's game, walked into the bar.

After Roy had walked through the bar, several women became alert and ran to nearest bathroom to make sure that they would be as perfect as possible so their slim chances of going home with Roy were slightly enhanced. Hughes followed soon after Roy and ran over to a seat next to Roy, causing an extremely annoyed look to appear on Roy's face once he began waving pictures.

"Breda, I do believe that's number two on the list."

_2. Drink every time Hughes waves around a picture._

"Drink!" Havoc exclaimed.

The two men quickly chugged half of their beer and grinned at each other. Havoc took another sip of his beer while trying to keep an ear in on their conversation.

"Hughes!" Roy exclaimed. "I just sat down ten fucking seconds ago! I swear the next picture you show will become nothing more than a pile of ashes on the floor."

"Drink!"

_1. Drink every time Roy threatens to burn/hurt something/someone in anyway possible._

"Oh crap…" Breda muttered once he spotted who had just walked into the bar.

His shear mass alone helped him be spotted in the dense crowd; his sparkles were only helpful for spotting him once he had sat down.

"And here I was thinking we wouldn't even get to number five."

_5. Drink every time Armstrong rips his shirt off._

"Maybe we won't." Havoc said. "Just because he's here doesn't mean he's going to rip off his shirt-."

Just then, a large white shirt that was nearly the size of a table cloth flew across the bar while its owner flashed his humongous muscles, causing many bar occupants to cower in fear.

"Drink."

"Celia!" Havoc called out. "We're going to be needing a few more beers over here!"

"Be there in a moment guys!"

Celia rushed over and refilled their empty mugs with more dark and frothy liquid, which the two quickly chugged because Hughes had just waved around two more pictures to other bar guests.

"'Nother beer Ce." Breda sighed as he set his empty mug on the bar.

"What is up with you guys?" Celia asked once she reappeared. "You're gong through these faster than an Aerugean on St. Priscilla's Day." (1)

"Havoc made up a drinking game," Furey answered, "and Breda agreed join him."

"Well why aren't you and Falman playing?"

"Somebody's go to make sure them make it home okay." Falman answered.

"_Drink!" _Havoc exclaimed once he saw Hughes break rule number two again.

Almost an hour had passed and things were only getting worse. Riza showed up about half an hour later and began berating Roy for his shoddy paperwork, most of which he didn't even look at. After Roy said he wasn't going to the office again until Monday, Riza pulled out her gun.

_3. Drink every time Riza threatens someone with her gun._

Once their argument had subsided, Riza moved to the bar to order herself a drink and Hughes began telling Roy how perfect a woman Riza would be for Roy's future wife.

"Drink…" Havoc said as he drained his glass.

_4. Drink every time Hughes makes a suggestion for Roy future wife/ tells Roy to get a wife._

"Hughes I swear if you make one more suggestion tonight I will make Gracia a _very_ unhappy women."

"Drink."

_1. Drink every time Roy threatens to burn/hurt something/someone in anyway possible._

"But what if little Elysia wants a little brother and sister?! I mean, I don't know if there could be another kid in the world that would be anywhere near Elysia's cuteness or amazing-ness or anything but…"

"Ugh_…drink_."

_6. Drink any time Hughes makes any mention about how amazing or wonderful his family is._

"Speaking of my adorable little Elysia, I remembered I have just the cutest picture of her!"

_2. Drink every time Hughes waves around a picture._

"Hughes I thought I said-." Roy began.

"GADDAMN HUGHES! PLEASE DON' SHOW ANYMORE PIC-TERS EVER!" Havoc drunkenly screamed across the bar, causing an abrupt silence to fall on the once rowdy pub. "I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR PIC-TERS SO PEASE SOP!"

Havoc swayed on the spot for a moment before his collapsed back in his seat and let his head fall onto the bar. After another moment or two, noise and conversation returned to the bar and Havoc's outburst was forgotten.

"Inee a cigarette." Havoc slurred as he shoved his hands into this pockets.

"Dammit Havoc!" Breda exclaimed.

_7. Drink anytime Havoc makes mention of needing/ wanting a cigarette or anytime Havoc smokes a cigarette._

"Sorree, sorree…won' say it again." He mumbled into his mug as he began to drink beer that wasn't in the mug anymore.

"Celia." Furey called across the bar. "Havoc needs a refill."

"Wha…?" Havoc asked while looking at Furey and pointing at the dark liquid that Celia had just refilled into the glass. "Dares beer in 'ere. Loo…"

Before anyone could stop him, Havoc tilted his head back and turned the now full mug of beer upside-down. The dark liquid showered down on the drunken man, quickly waking him up and bringing him slightly closer to reality.

"Holy crap!" Breda slurred excitedly. "It's rainin' beer!"

Breda then tilted his head back and opened his mouth, turning into the drunken version of a person trying to catch snowflakes on their tongue. He continued this until he fell backwards off of his stool and slammed onto the ground.

"Ha, ha…Bread (2) fall down…" Havoc laughed weakly.

Breda joined into Havoc's drunken laughter. After a few minutes of huffing and puffing, Falman and Furey managed to get Breda back onto his stool and keep Havoc from falling off of his own.

"Hey…hey Havoc." Breda drunkenly giggled as he swayed on his stool.

"Whaisit?" Havoc asked as he took another sip of his beer, most of which dribbled down his chin and onto his shirt.

"Can I has that piece of paper? I haves a good idea for anudder rules."

"Okays." Havoc said.

After spending a few minutes wrestling with his pockets, Havoc finally managed to pull out the crumpled piece of paper.

"'Ere ya go."

"Thanks."

"Whatcha writin'?" Havoc asked as he tried to look over Breda's shoulder.

"You'll love it." Breda sniggered as he tried to write down his own drunken rule.

"Whaisit?"

"Jus' wait. Jus' wait. You'll love it…"

After another moment, Breda let out a small 'Ta-Dah' and held up the piece of paper for Havoc to see.

_8. Drink every time you drink._

"Homigod Breda! You's a genius! Why come I didn't think of that?"

"Yup, yup." Breda muttered as he giggled some more.

"You's should be promoted for such genius-ity!"

"I know."

"I call Mustgang, I mean _Mustang_ and tell 'im to promote you! MUSTANG!"

"What is it Havoc?" Roy asked once he managed to get over to the two men.

"Breda just made the smartest, most geni-ous idea ever! Look, look at this!"

Havoc picked up the paper and began wiggling it in front of Roy's face until he had managed to grab onto the sheet of paper.

"Inisit amazing?" Havoc asked after a few moments of Roy staring at the paper.

But Roy didn't say anything about Breda once he spoke. Instead, he said, "What gave you the idea for number one?"

"Wha?"

"Why would you think I would 'threaten to burn/hurt something/someone in anyway possible'?"

"Wha?"

"And why does this list include me threatening someone with a gun?" Riza asked, appearing at Roy's shoulder.

"Huh?"

"When did you work on this?" Riza asked. "It better not have been while you were working."

"Well too bad cause it was!" Havoc admitted happily while waving his arms and hands in the air. "Whatcha gonna do about it?"

_Click._

Riza had pulled out her gun and pointed it right at Havoc.

_3. Drink every time Riza threatens someone with her gun._

"AAH!" Breda yelled. "DAS NUMBER SOMETHING! DRINK!"

The two men quickly chugged more of their beers before letting out loud and cringe-inducing belches.

"Would you two need any of my help?" asked a voice from behind Roy and Riza.

"Ah! Armstrong! How's it goin' buddy?" Havoc slurrred as he swayed from right to left on his stool.

"The talent of dealing with drunken bar goers has been passed down the Armstrong line!" Armstrong yelled as he took off his shirt.

_5. Drink every time Armstrong rips his shirt off._

"DRING!"

The two men tilted back to finish their beers, fell off of their seat, and fell asleep once they had hit the floor.

"So what the Hell do we do with them now?" Roy asked as he prodded Havoc's back with his shoe.

Havoc and Breda's usual bet was the loser had to become the winners slave for an entire week. Seeing as they tied and Roy knew what their bet was going to be, Roy decided to just make them both of his slaves. Their first slave jobs would come the next morning when Roy barged down their doors, blew an air horn into their ears, and declared that they had to clean up their own throw up from the back seat of Roy's car. Needless to say, neither of them would participate in another drinking game for some time to come.

* * *

**(1) I originally put 'more than an Irishmen on St. Patrick's day' but unfortunately there is no Ireland or St. Patrick's day in this universe.**

**(2) I meant to put 'Bread'. I didn't do it accidentally.**

**So I hope you though it was funny, because I did.**

**Please review! :)**

**-FSK**


End file.
